I never thought I'd get back into blogging, my days with xanga were few and far bewteen, but recently I've felt a need to express myself and this provides an excellent opportunity.
In the past my thoughts have been mostly about what I want in life and what has gone wrong, but my goal with this blog is not to whine and complain, but to share my heart with the world essentially. I want to share the ups and downs that life brings and marvel in God's glory at bringing me through it all.
So here I am, nearing the end of one of the most amazing journeys I've happend upon and looking at adulthood just down the road. It's hard to believe that I only have 2 months-ish left in Waco. I have grown to consider myself "from" Waco, simply because I've lived here for the majority of the 9 years I've been in TX. God is amazing though, and has already provided me with a path for my life after Aug 15th when I graduate (again).
For those who don't know, I've accepted a job as an independent contractor to work with Houston ISD for the 9-10 school year. I'm excited and terrified at the same time. What if I stink as a school slp? What if I get overwhelmed with the scheduling and the craziness of it all? What if I find that I can't stand Houston? Despite all these thoughts and fears, I know that God has a plan. I always feel silly telling people that, but I can't help but look back and see His hand in everything that has happened in my life. And when I say everything, I mean, EVERYTHING. Even the crummy stuff. Sometimes I think it's my way of rationalizing things that happen in my life, but I don't think I could survive without knowing that God is with me every step of the way.
When my dad died, I didn't feel like my world crumbled. Not right away at least, but little by little my resolve melted and I feel like I pulled my head inside of my shell and just existed for a while. I wanted to invest in others so I wouldn't have to deal with the pain that I was experiencing. God was there through all that in so many different ways. He was there in the random text messages from friends. He was there in the unexpected, but much appreciated hugs. And most definitely He was there in the prayer that was lifted up on behalf of my family, and my dad. I think that is what overwhelmed me the most. The magnitude of prayers that were prayed for my family. It made me so appreciative of all the people I take for granted.
Have you ever stopped to think about the people you count on to just be there? My relationship with my dad had gotten like that. He was a time zone away and just a phone call away, but I didn't realize how important that digital connection was until it was gone completely. Now I find myself wanting to call him and tell him about these new and exciting things in my life, and though I know that he's "around" -for lack of a better term-I still feel a little empty because I don't have him to bounce ideas off of.
I am suddenly realizing that this one post could get very long if I begin talking about my dad, so I'm going to stop here and save the rest for another time. After all, I can't reveal my heart all at once or you'll grow bored with me right?
I hope you have a fantastic Friday!