Stream of consciousness...

Honesty time. Lately I haven't felt much like blogging (probably because I'm not in the habit) but partially because I've been discouraged a bit.

On Sunday our pastor preached on faith and made a statement I've heard before but this time it hit me a little harder. Curtis said "God always answers prayer, but he answers in 3 ways; yes, no, or not yet."

 Recently I've been in a window of "not yet" and I am yearning for understanding as to why. I have been so focused on what I can control in my little world that I haven't been relying on God enough, if at all. Sure I say I am, but truly it's difficult to do (anyone who says it's easy is fibbing to you and themselves.) This stage in my life has been difficult (and still is) but sometimes I just need to remember that eventually I'll be able to look back and see the plan of it all.

As I was running wogging this morning I heard an older song from Francesca Battistelli and God gently poked me with reassurance that life will turn out just the way He wants it to. I don't usually post lyrics, but these ones touched me today so maybe it will touch someone else too!
  
Free to Be Me by Francesca Battistelli 

At twenty years of age I'm still looking for a dream
A war's already waged for my destiny
But You've already won the battle
And You've got great plans for me
Though I can’t always see

(Chorus)
 
‘Cause I got a couple dents in my fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Try to fit the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
On my own I'm so clumsy
But on Your shoulders I can see
I'm free to be me
When I was just a girl I thought I had it figured out
My life would turn out right, and I'd make it here somehow
But things don't always come that easy
And sometimes I would doubt

(Chorus)

And you’re free to be you
Sometimes I believe that I can do anything
Yet other times I think I've got nothing good to bring
But You look at my heart and You tell me
That I've got all You seek
And it’s easy to believe
Even though 

(Chorus)

 I was kind of a quietly insubordinate child (good on the surface but those closer to me know that I could be devious if chosen). I think I've returned to those habits, or maybe always treated my relationship with God that way. I think that I'm being obedient and faithful and then I notice that I'm not completely so.

My prayer today for myself and for all my fellow wanderers is that God would reveal those areas of our lives that we hold tight to and plan for and expect God to bend to our wills and that He would gently teach us and show us how to do it the right way.

Love to all you folk out there! Have a Wonderful Wednesday!